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Medusa woke up one day, and shaved her hair.
A cliché journal of an anorexic bitch
god, sorry I haven't been able to write in all this time, collage, friends, people I know and fighting thought my eating disorder, god I hate saying that! I don't have an eating disorder... I think

Anyways, I almost got caught several time with my throwing up thing, it's hard to do it when you're always surrounded by so many people... It sure is

I’ve went from 167 to 119 which is awesome, but I still feel as fat as when I started, you understand? I’ve gained about 6 pounds, I haven't been able to get rid of food in front of my friends, how do THEY stay thin??? When they eat the same as I do...


I’mma be more strict this time, put all my thinspiration pictures in new places where I can see them. Hopefully by my birthday, I shall be 100 which will be great since I wanna look good in my party so many people haven't seen me since I started losing weight around February I want to surprise them!!

Wish me luck.

Current Location: My room
Current Mood: anxious anxious
Current Music: le trigre - sixteen

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Oh dear god... What more do they want?!

I came back from the beach... And to my surprise I ate pretty healthy, my boyfriend's mother is a diet freak, so she kept me up going eating my salads by calling me fat, I had to swim using a huge t-shirt because I didn't want anyone to look at my disgusting body...

I made it up to hear, and I've puked all the rest... I barely eat now


Today I ate a vegetable soup and I'mma go work out... As usual, besides I puked almost all of the soup.

I tried to go shopping for pants, since mine are breaking between my Thais, My old pants don't fit cause or they are too big or too small, and nothing fits... I don't get it, nothing I look at the clothes that 'might' fit and it's HUGE!..

right now I feel horrible, yes I 'recovered' from Bulimia, but I've gained so much weight... I was better off before, and I will be perfect again soon.


I don't want to hurt myself this time, so I am taking pictures of my body to be objective about it and control my body weight better. I hope it work...


God I hate my body so much. I hate it I hate it!!!!!

I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!I HATE MY BODY!!!

I need to take that out of my chest sorry... My boyfriend is getting worried,I don't want to talk to him, I don't want him near me, I don't want to make love to him, I don't want him to touch me at all, not like this... not like this! I don't even feel like leaving my room, someone might see me, I don't want to see my friends, no one, I want to be alone, I want the fat to leave my body! This is not fair.

God, why is this so hard? My boyfriend is suspecting I am doing this again..

Current Mood: angry angry
Current Music: Depeche Mode - A pain that I'm used to

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Fuck! Leaving to the beach today with my boyfriend's family...
Surely my weight will stick out, since I'mma be wearing a swim suit, don't look so bad when I look at myself, I work out a lot so i don't have cutter cheese legs, but they still look huge, FUCK they annoy me so much...

it's gonna be hard to throw up there, so I guess I'll stick to salad, water and air...

perhaps I should try and work out in the sand or...the pool

I dunno, I'll think of something, wish me luck D.

Current Location: My room
Current Music: 100 stories

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fuck...I smoked pot a few hours ago... and I ate:

2 cheese sandwiches
10 chips
1 glass hawaiian punch
2 glasses of water
1 ice cream with cone


and later before that..I ate:(the good part of this, is that I puked all this until it was completely out, so this doesn't really count)

1 small glass of coke
1 bowl of noddles
1 banana

I'mmaaa go puke now, the more I am here, the more my body gets from this food... God I am such a pig I disgust myself..

Good night

Current Mood: annoyed annoyed
Current Music: Halou Everything is Okay

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Yes… After recovery, after all these years, I look in the mirror and I disgust myself, all though I work out every day, I still feel heavy, I still disgust myself…

My boyfriend tells me I am beautiful, But I know he’s lying… I don’t even feel like having sex with him, I’ve had like 4 orgasms in the 7 months I’ve been dating him, I know it’s not his fault, hell no way it’s HIS fault, he’s real good at what he does… It’s me, my head drifts away and I feel like I am going to throw up after we do it. My stomach aches, my hands are shaking, I feel almost raped, in my dead, I feel bad for feeling this when I love him with all my heart and I know he loves me back.

But when I see this white semen sliding down my legs, to my feet on to the drain, once I take a bath, I stare at myself in the reflection of the water that forms unearth me, it makes me sick, I make myself sick, I can’t stand looking at myself, it’s disgusting I want it to stop! I want to feel beautiful, I want to feel desirable, I want to want myself, I want to feel sexy when I have an orgasm…

But I know that as long as I have these horrible extras in my body it will never happen.

Today I’ve eaten:

-A glass of water.
-A bowl of noodles, that I threw up completely.
-1/3 of a apple pie I made, which I threw up also.

The nightmare has started again, and I am alone… That’s why I am here, because I know there’s a lot of girls that share my pain.

Current Mood: crappy crappy
Current Music: Gary Numan - In a Dark Place

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How to start this when everything has already been said, like all the rest of you, I too have always been the fat one of the group, and if I wasn’t, I never was skinny enough to be one of the ‘hot’ girls… Oh well…

I have cut myself in several occasions and I continue to do it. I’ve tried to kill myself 3 times, always interrupted by friends or my exes

I have been in therapy but it’s too expensive for me to continue in it, it only made things worst

I have been cheated on, step on, miss treated, humiliated, infuriated, To the point until the air around you feel intoxicating, you can’t trust anyone these days.

Yes sister, or brother, I have suffered a lot, but I discovered that if I keep things to myself or keep my secrets anonymous it is much easier to face them, you can get over them little by little, we just need to be strong enough to keep on going

About 3 years, since I ‘recovered from bulimia and anorexia

Do I feel any better? No.

Have I maintained my weight with exercise and healthy diets? No.

Have I tried? Hell yes I have!!!

Do they work? NO NO NO NO NO NO NO they don’t, to matter how much they tell you they’ll will you won’t!

I went from 190 ponds to 120pounds, and I had almost reached my goal of being 100, just 20 pounds to go!

Do you have any idea how much I weight now? 150 ONE FIFTY!

Do I plan on staying that way? Hell No. I am sick of it, if I do it they tell me I am crazy that I don’t love myself, that it’s a stupid goal to wait 100 or less… But you know? If you don’t do it, you go to stores and nothing fits, the girls that help you change stare at you like a hysteric wale trying to slide in some L pants.
My mother, my sisters, my father keep telling me I am getting fat, or they simply do not notice anything different they don’t tell me “ Oh honey you look lovely today!” NO THEY DON’T

Current Location: My room
Current Mood: frustrated frustrated
Current Music: Polaroid - So damn beautiful

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